youre lurking in front of me
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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