apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
