my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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