Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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