Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
