Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
pray to the hookup gods
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
