Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
