she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
