The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
