Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
