whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
