we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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