I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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