Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.