it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
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Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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