At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
