you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
