Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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