I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
pray to the hookup gods
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
