I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
