I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
