Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He better not be in your backpack
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
