I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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