I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
