..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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