ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
