Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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