My hand turned me down
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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