We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
