what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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