READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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