So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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