are you still at the devil's house?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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