Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
