he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
