My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
