Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
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i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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