I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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