Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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