He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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