Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
