He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
