I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
