today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
