New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
