It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
