Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
