I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
