Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
