Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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