People in love make me want to vomit
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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