you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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