As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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