Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
