when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
