went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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