"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
