there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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