yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
