I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
