Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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