You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
