I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
