think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
