Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
